Baby Gays drown in Deep Water

So sad now
No way out
The bottom of despair
Hormones raging
Going crazy
It there another boy who cares?

A baby gay (early stages of coming out or recently questioning) messaged me yesterday. I suppressed the feeling that I was a relic and powered through the subsequent conversation. He's from my old hometown and much younger than me *gasp* which doesn't really mean much anymore. Anyway, sad story I'm sure we're all familiar with by now, utterly alone, no one knows about him, I know I teared up a little (actually it was a surprise wasabe attack on the underside of a kappa maki). In any case, I did my best to console/answer his questions but he's still pretty alone I fear.

So thank dog for social networking sites making it easier and easier to track down people with similar "interests" as it were. I'd never met this, nor a couple others, before he contacted me. I felt something of a celebrity with all this notoriety.

In any case, it was still quite the process to actually have the balls to just randomly add someone ten years your senior... Twas cute though. He says he'd never written or expressed that he was gay before, and that when he did he felt a combination of anxiety, shame, and hope. I was impressed that he included hope in that list.

If I could've I would've hugged him. Instead I sent him a list of resources, and the titles of a few books/movies/albums which I think should be listed as required reading material in the homo-handbook. Maybe that's what I'll do with my time at work, I'll start binding said handbook as my legacy.

Carry on

Fuck me standing

UGH
So I'm sorry to disappoint my 6 followers, but I am in fact alive. Barely. Ish.

Mostly I was finishing up my degree. Like actually finished. The last 2 weeks though damn near killed me. I'm not sure actually when the last time I posted was, I have a feeling that it was at the beginning of april.

Anyway, the last two weeks of school I had a midterm, 2 group presentations and 2 group reports to write. The midterm I went to 'business drunk' (had about 4/5ths a bottle of wine) and didn't study, but got 91% on, that's 10% higher than the other midterm I took in the same course.

The real difficulty was from the group projects... Usually in group projects I have this awful habit of asserting myself as some sort of authority figure and end up doing the majority of the work. This time I felt that I had saved enough people from their own work habits to let them sort it out... This was a mistake and I should have realised it sooner.

I spent about 40-50 hours the last week writing reports. This would've been fine if certain members of my group didn't criticize me about it later. One person who doesn't speak english as a first language, had the extreme lack of awareness to say "I think your grammar is broken"... I couldn't believe it... Anyway, I won't bore with too many other details because I'm closing that chapter of my life and graduating!

As for other shit, last I mentioned that I wasn't doing so hot. B and I talked about it, and while I tried going back on medication, I realised that there are some underlying problems which need to be sorted. Plus I was already self-medicating with alcohol so the two weren't a very healthy combination. So I'm beginning to fix these things, in so far that they can be fixed (usually because the biggest obstacle is knowing what these things are)

Oh, and last weekend I went to Victoria with my dear friend... (we'll call her Drama-Rama). She's a good time, we have some pretty insane memories together (car crashes, near drownings, a broken nose) all within the first 6 months of knowing each other. Since then she's moved off the mainland to persue an academic career. Which is good for her, I jsut miss her terribly. Anyway, victoria was fantastic, really very peaceful, especially the ferry ride, the hour long bus rides on each end, and just sitting still for awhile. I even managed to pick up a new book (Little Brother) by Cory something or other, which was fantastic. Managed through that one in all of 2 days, it was glorious.