The Space Between

So I'll give a quick weekend update before I get into my case of the Mondays.

Friday Wanker came over for wii and drinks (we were gonna rockband, but we didn't have enough batteries apparently) So we just wii'd, smash bros mostly. Twas fun.

Sat I had the Health and Leadership conference day 3, it was another fun filled and informative day. Afterwards we did outreach and I got to go to the Pumpjack (a nice little bar which is largely avoided by young people because it is mostly preceived as a bear/leather/old people bar). I had fun there, the guys were quite friendly which is refreshing. After that the sailor sluts and I went to the O where I got my dance-on on stage... It was probably the highlight of my weekend.

Unfortunately that means it was downhill from there...Sunday was the last day of the conference and it showed. People were hungover and tired, the information didn't seem as interesting and the whole time I felt some ennui. Then B and I went to see Remember Me, with Robert Pattison. Don't see it. Really, its awful and contrived and manipulative.

Anyway, that's my weekend, as I said Sunday I started feelign a little down. At first I just thought I was cranky/affected by the alcohol and lack of sleep. But then I felt the too familiar feelings/neurosis come creeping in.

So I just started staring off into space having a whole gamut of fun thoughts. The good ones were thoughts of worthelssness/that it won't get better, the usual. The bad ones were... well they were bad.

Fortunately I'm somewhat of a pro at this, so while I don't have too much hope for the next few days, I know how to cope and escape for the time being. It's frustrating that I'm pretty much hard wired for this kind familiarity with depression, but at least I'm functional... that's a good thing right?

Oh well, in the end I'm sure it'll strengthen my resolve towards helping out all my little baby gays...

Unboxed

As I mentioned, I had a conference all weekend, 9-5, so it's like my weekend evaporated with fun things to do. Actually it was a good weekend, cept for B throwing up on our floor (he's getting sick and the alcohol didn't help much).

But like I said, good weekend. One of the better parts was a discussion on the stages of coming out because it created discrete stages and explained different needs each person will have during the phases. What was particularly nice was that it was a bit of a reminder about taking into account a person's lived experience and that not everyone can simply be told "How to come out" as though it were like taking a magic pill...

Other highlights were a discussion I had with one of the other guys about reltaionships, it was cute and refreshing. Mostly because I sometimes find myself so 'in a relationship' that I box the term up and don't reflect upon what it actually means to me. My partner in the exercise expressed his hopes and fears about his relationship and I felt somehow unboxed.

I think it was a level of superficiality with which I live my life. I'm quite invested in a lot of people and often get bogged down by 'what I'm supposed to say.' Like a pre-recorded message...

Friend: He broke up w/ me!
Me: Awww Shame! Don't worry, you were better than him anyway! You'll find someone...

That kind of generic glossing over makes me feel insulated from actualand full emotional responses. Hopefully I can find little ways to remind myself of this with greater regularity...

But I wish my partner success and thank him sincerely for his listening.

ALSO, FF 13 is here tomorrow! B pre-ordered, but said I wasn't allowed to watch him play because i'm a backseat gamer. It's true, I do offer my unsolicited opinion often (I do know what i'm talking about usually though, especially when it comes to rpgs) Let's see how long our relationship lasts now :P

Carry on...

O-Face

So b, my brother and I went to the O tonight. Twas nice, we danced despite my extreme sobriety, and b's extreme un-sobriety. in fact after half a bottle of wine and 3 doubles, he was more than a little drunk (it made for some confused dancing)

Oh, but I had fun. Apparently all the gays turned out tonight, a bunch of guys from the health conference i'm at (which i'll have to talk about tomorrow or something), C showed up eventually with a friend (a real charmer), a couple of daniels...

Anyway had a time, the conference is for gay men's health and leadership. It's really a great idea (and there's free lunch and tea), we learned aboot the history of gay liberation in vancouver and some statistics on HIV/AIDS (get tested everyone, at least once a year...). Then there was a safe sex talk from a nurse (all about everyone's fav sti's) remember don't have sex, because you will get clamydia and die. Finally a fellatio seminar where the intro was one guy going down on the other... well no, but almost, but they stopped at the underwear (which was still a nice show btw)

then everyone pass the banana (remember boys no teeth!)

Anyway, i'm just waiting up for my brother to show up, i'm tired tho so i'll write more eventually

Carry on

Drawing meat...

So this weekend was nice/fun/exhausting/weird... A whole battery of emotions really.

First, congrats to all the olympic athletes, especially the Canadian ones, 14 gold's I'm sure everyone and their dog knows that that is the most at any Winter Olympics by a country (let alone the host country) so understandably Vancouver is the place to be (although as of this morning there was a general malaise as the hangover's started).

Anyway, Friday I went home to have a few drinks (i was just drinking cranberry juice i promise!) with some extended family, we went to our local legion and I must say that is a colourful place. Very charming. Best part of the night (apart from the win over slovakia) was when a lady came over offering raffle tix, I didn't buy any because I'm less affluent than I would like, but my cousins did. I found out later it was for a meat draw. Yes, they were raffling off roasts and steaks, I didn't think such a thing existed but leave it to my familiar old hometown to surprise me. My cousin won, she's vegan (something i didn't know because I thought I was the only pious person at the table jk).

I enjoyed that a lot, mostly because my family was there. I don't see them often but when I do, and when there's alcohol (and there's always alcohol!) it's a great time. Saw my older brother who I don't see very often, his wife was there too... Secret confession, I sometime's worry I'll regret how tepid I am with my family, we're not super close and were always more about surviving (or at least I was) than we were about making disneyland, vacationy memories. My aunts were great too, and one even coaxed me out onto the dancefloor, I remind you I am stone cold sober so that was a feat. nice night

Sat we moved B's sister into her new place... or tried to. We overslept and missed moving the bulk of it, but we helped unpack and arrange. Sat night we went for a walk to see the cauldron and B got some good pics, I'll see if i can steal them and post them here... Unfortunately we didn't get onto the observation platform but we'll go back now that its calmed the fuck down... Sunday was exciting with the hockey game, then we had dinner at B's parent's house. His mother was badgering me into eating meat (I didn't) and joked that she made my belated bday cake with beef blood and multi-vitamins just so i wasn't malnourished.

I laughed nervously when she did, because she usually doesn't make jokes, and she is some kind of crazy (in a polite, mothering way).

Anyway I'll post something interesting later, perhaps a rant or more people watching...

PS Closing ceremonies were funny, especially the way that Jon Furlong tried to speak french again... Loved the self-deprication and HATED the choices in bands... Alanis and Buble were good, but I would have perfered that she sing something a little more fun. Avril was an alright and obligatory choice (but I could've done for only one song from her)... But simple plan and nickelback?!? The athlete's were sooooo bored and uncomfortable... Oh well, there's always next olympics, they happen every year right?